Help Through Grieving

Dear friends, 

            As our community takes it day by day after the tragic car accident last week, I wanted to pass on a few words about grief and how we can help each other, and especially those who were closest to Anita grieve and ultimately overcome the sorrow that grips our hearts.  I write these few thoughts with the ultimate and overarching principle forefront in my mind that Jesus Christ is the only One who can bring true comfort to our hearts.  He is the One we must look to and point our children to as they work through the grieving process.  Jesus said, “Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon your and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matt 11:28-30)

 

Ways to help:

1. Encourage discussion and the expression of true feelings.  In today’s world we tend to shy away from discussing death.  However, it is important that we not shy away from discussions around this subject because in doing so, we will prolong the grieving process.  Encourage one another to talk about what is on our minds.  If perhaps discussion is absolutely not wanted, try not to force it to occur, but rather just let the other person know you are there when they are ready to talk.  When they are ready to talk – listen!  If you are a “fixer” – don’t.  It is important to just simply listen rather than try to offer superficial anecdotal remedies for their pain.  “May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loves us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word.”  (2Thes 2:16-17)

 

1.  Meet needs.  Often times those who are deeply grieving a loss will not want to burden you with their pain or their desires, thus we must seek ways to help.  They may even at times feel guilty because they are still working through difficult emotions.  Also, to them it may seem that those around them have already worked through their own feelings and that they are the slow ones.  This adds to them not wanting to burden you.  We who want to help will say “please let me know what you need and I will be there.”  We mean well and say this in love.  Unfortunately, the phone rarely rings.  Why?  Because those grieving don’t want to burden anyone.  It is then up to us to take the initiative to help and serve.  “Just do it!” as NIKE says.  Write a card, make a phone call, cook a meal, take them to a ball game, watch a movie, go fishing with them, etc.  Just knowing that you are there is a great help to those who are in pain.  As Paul told Timothy, “Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share.” (1Tim 6:18)

 

1. Be patient.  Due to our different experiences involving death and sorrow, we all grieve in different ways and at different paces.  It is important that through this period you are patient with those who are grieving.  There is hope and the pain will lessen as each day passes. However, it is important to allow the process to take place.  Psychologists suggest there is a typical cycle of healing for those grieving.   Remember, everyone is different and may not go through the cycle exactly as it is outlined below. Also, no time frame can be placed upon each stage.  Generally speaking most people do go through most of these stages.  At times formal counseling may be necessary to assist this process.  The key is to be patient and watch for a healthy progression for the one who is grieving.  Jesus said, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” (Matt 5:4) This means that those who recognize their needs and present them to the One who can meet their needs will be comforted.  Friends, take comfort in knowing that God can and will walk you through this process if you continue to rely on Him.  The stages grief often include:

 

1. Initial shock.  Intense emotional impact which may leave a person with a seeming paralysis.
2. Emotional release.  Usually a period of severe weeping.
3. Loneliness and depression.  The feeling of dependence upon the deceased leaves one feeling alone.
4. Guilt.  Feeling as if something could have prevented the loss.
5. Anger, hostility.  Often times this is directed toward others or even at God.
6. Stage of inertia.  Feeling that life cannot go on or a feeling of apathy toward life and/or usual activities.
7. Gradual return of hope.  Feeling that life can and will go on.
8. Return to normalcy.  Admitting and adjusting to the loss and moving healthily forward.

 

1. Seek God.  Finally, although we want to feel like grief is not connected to our spiritual welfare, it is.   If we disconnect from God during this period we lose all hope. That’s why God’s character and the hope we have in Jesus’ death on the cross means so much during the time of such losses.  We should encourage those who are grieving to look to God to mend their broken hearts.  Encourage them to pour out their true feelings to God.  He already knows what they feel so why try to hide?  King David cried out, “Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God for to you I pray.” (Psa 5:2)  He went through so much but always looked to God for comfort and consoling.  Please, I urge you as your Pastor to encourage those who are grieving to seek the Lord Almighty, the One who knows their pain, and Who has Himself experienced the same pain. He is Our Comforter.  The beginning of Paul’s second letter to the Church of Corinth reads, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ.” (2Cor 1:3-5)

 

            I am available for whatever your needs may be so please don’t hesitate to give me a call.  It is in Christ’s Love that I write these words. 

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Many at Forestburg Baptist Church will tell you that we are a "Second Home." That statement fits because we are simply one big family! Like any family, we're not perfect nor do we claim to be. We do, however, strive to be a Christ centered friendly bunch. We have clean modern facilities and our services and activities are created to meet your needs. We hope you'll consider us as your new "church home."